Terrible, Thanks for Asking

The Grudge Book Continued - TTFA PREMIUM - Transcript

This is a transcript of a “TTFA Premium” episode entitled “The Grudge Book Continued." The text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future for accuracy.

Listen to the episode here.


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Nora: Hello everybody, this is Nora McInerny. This is an episode of our podcast that is available in its entirety over at TTFA Premium. 

TTFA Premium is our subscribers-only feed where we put bonus content, where we put ad-free episodes, where we put some full-length guest interviews. It is a way to financially support our show, and if that is something you are interested in doing and able to do, it is a couple bucks a month, and you can sign up at TTFA dot org slash Premium. That’s TTFA dot org slash Premium. 

Thank you! And enjoy.


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Nora: Hello, I'm Nora McInerny. This is “Terrible, Thanks for Asking” Premium. Thank you for being here with all of us. As you know, we recently did an episode. I reached out to all of you on Instagram ... I don't- I think it was just Instagram, frankly. And I asked, “How many of you are grudge holders? What is a grudge that you are holding onto? Could be big, could be small.” We heard from so many of you that we could not contain all of those grudges. We couldn't fit them all into one episode. So we made a bonus episode, where I am going to be reading some grudges that were sent in by listeners. Maybe some of these are your grudges. I am going to be keeping them as anonymous as possible and sharing all of these grudges with you all. So here we go. This is our first grudge. 

 

Nora: Well, for starters, I'm defining a grudge as an unresolved feeling or negative emotion I can't get past. Life goes on, but when the memories springs to mind, so do all the bad feelings. That's a great definition. I've not defined grudge. And you did, that was beautiful. Also an important note is that I'm a chronic people pleaser, so grudges are very complicated in my brained. In my brained? Her brained. My current grudge is against Edy's ice cream. My current grudge is against Edy's ice cream, because for whatever reason, they now make their mudslide flavor with chocolate and vanilla ice cream instead of coffee ice cream, which is a huge disappointment. Fairly unforgivable. I have a grudge against a race I once ran that ran out of coffee before the runners even finished running. The race was on a cold day in February, so obviously the slower runners needed it more. I probably have actual resentment here, which I guess is more of a classic definition of what a grudge is. Yes, that is a resentment, it's a grudge, it counts. Of course you needed the coffee more. Come on, coffee's cheap. I have a grudge against a middle school teacher who once told us that for an upcoming test we could take a written test or illustrate a concept from the unit. Instead of studying, I spent hours practicing my illustration design, but the next day she changed her mind and we all had to take the written test. Please note I'm thirty five. I don't care what age you are. That is a big time switcheroo. That's a big ol switcheroo, okay. I have a grudge against someone who once encouraged me into what I thought, and to be fair they thought, was an innocent friendship with their family member. I took on this friendship to please the friend. Hi, chronic people pleaser. And when things went sour, the innocent friendship ended in a wildly inappropriate kiss. And I had not been kissed before this moment! No, they took your first kiss! Oh! The person who had endorsed this friendship did not ever say a word to me about it. In the future, I was the one excluded from social events because the other person was family. I can't get past that and it bothers me whenever I see this person. While writing it makes it sound so much worse that I've downplayed in my head. Yeah. Hmm, hmm, hmm. Funny thing is, most grudges would evaporate if the wrongdoing or hurt was acknowledged. For sure I'd let go of my Edy's grudge if they'd make ice cream the right way again. Uh huh. Here, here. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. The grudge is always less about the event than it is about the dismissal of the effect it has on somebody. These are great observations. These are great observations. OK.

 

Nora: All right, we've got a wedding grudge, everybody. I'm also reading these for the first time, so I hope you enjoy that- my blind reactions to them. Instantly, I'm transported back to a state of rage when I think about my rehearsal dinner. Specifically, being completely left out of planning our rehearsal dinner. I was never a bridezilla, and had a nice low budget wedding, so my expectations seemed reasonable to me. My now father in law, when asked if he could contribute to the dinner, said that they would take care of it, though as the day grew closer, he seemed to change his mind? And when asked point blank, he said, I already paid for my daughter's wedding and was completely belligerent when trying to work with him. And we ended up with pizza on the deck of my husband's bachelor pad. It was fine. Everyone we love was there. But I'll never get over the flippant disregard of my father in law saying that he already paid for his daughter's wedding. What about his son? And weddings bring out, like I said, the worst in people, the worst in patriarchy. The money thing is so weird. I had two cheap weddings. Would only do it that way. No offense. Even though in high school I was like, oh my God. Like I mean, I went to enough wed- like Catholic weddings, like big Catholic weddings to be like, oh yes, release the doves, I will- marry me in a basilica. I want a high mass. I want it- I want it- you know, I want it big. I want it big. I want to drive in on a vintage car. I want to, you know, have a first dance to a Frank Sinatra song with my dad. Had my dad and I ever danced before? No, no, no, no. But we would do it at a wedding and people would be like, they danced, they danced so beautifully. No, I think we sort of were semi forced to dance at my- my first wedding, for which he was alive. And we were like, what are we doing that? And no one was watching. Like, we just danced for fun.

 

Nora: Here we go. This one is labeled Sweater Affair. I don't know what this means, but I'm excited about it. Hi, Nora. I got pregnant at the age of 20 before marriage, scandalous! Her words, not mine. After having been with my then boyfriend for two years. He was three years older and had a close friend who was a woman. He had been friends with her since he was 15. They dated as young teens do. He was there for her when her dad died, which I can't imagine going through at such a young age. Yeah! All that said, sure, I was jealous, but I tried to be open minded. One day he drove my car to her mom's house to help her with a home project. Apparently she got cold. It was August in the south and my sweater happened to be in my car. It was a maternity cardigan and the b took it. This is- this is- I can't believe. This is some like pure Midwestern energy, the next few sentences. I got it on sale for four dollars, but I remember harping about it originally being 40 dollars from Kohl's. OK, there's the MSRP, and there's what I paid for, but it's obviously worth the 40. I only paid 10 percent. I used my Kohl's cash, obviously. Also, she stole a maternity cardigan, she was not pregnant. I love this. I never got the sweater back and I know she took it out of spite. We were never friends. She was the sort of person who always gave backhanded compliments, nails on a chalkboard personified. Anyway, she knows what she did. Oh, my God, I ended up getting married and divorced years later, as did she. Her ex-husband reached out to me a few years later and of course, we dated for a few months. At the time, I told myself it wasn't out of spite. Now, looking back, of course it was, duh. I 100 percent dated her ex-husband because she took my sweater. This is all little tongue in cheek, because, am I aware that there's a strong chance my boyfriend and eventual husband was having an affair? Yes, of course, I got proof years later. I'm still only mad about the sweater. Oh, my God, this grudge also, like when you imagine all the different sides, like it's- it's rich, this is a rich grudge, OK? It's not about the four dollars sweater, it's about what the four dollars sweater represents, which is forty dollars in Kohl's cash. OK. 

 

Nora: OK. My oldest grudge dates back to 1990. I waited in line at Ticketmaster to buy tickets for Aerosmith for a group of friends. One friend asked me to grab him two tickets. He never paid me. Brought a date to the concert and never paid me! He still owes me eighty dollars. Are you kidding me? In 1990, money? I gotta look up that. I mean, that's- that's- that's a lot of money. That is- I would be pissed if someone didn't pay me ninety dollars now. But in 1990, are you kidding? To this day I can't look at his social media without thinking “send me my money!” The same thing happened two years in a row at church, at a women's luncheon when I was brand new. I hadn't gone to a women's luncheon since. I'm still owed 100 dollars from two friends. What the heck! The heck?! Oh, my goodness. But let's talk about the friend that forgot to bring my dinner after signing up for a meal train after I had major surgery. She texted me the menu from the Italian restaurant she was ordering from a few days before and asked for my order. She knew she signed up to bring a meal. She didn't show and hasn't mentioned it since. It's been eight weeks. I'm hungry, bitch, bring me my lasagna! That's hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmmm. Things happen, but you gotta be able to communicate them. Ninety dollars, one hundred dollars and a lasagna? Yeah, that's uh, that's not- that's not nothing baby. It's not nothing. 

 

Nora: Alright everybody, that was a preview of an episode that is on TTFA Premium. TTFA Premium is a subscriber base. It is a way to financially support this show that we’ve been making for almost five years. Good golly. You can subscribe for a couple bucks a month, support our show, get some extra stuff like ad-free episodes, like extended guest interviews, and regular bonus content. If you are able and willing to do that, you can go over to TTFA dot org slash Premium. That’s TTFA dot org slash Premium. But I appreciate you either way. Ok bye!